Emotional dependence is a state in relationships where an individual becomes excessively dependent on another and bases their sense of self-worth, self-esteem, and happiness on the presence and validation of that person. We all have cherished individuals in our lives whom we love more than others and feel the need to always be by their side or do everything with them. But is this behavior correct or not? In this article, join us to become well-acquainted with emotional dependence and explore ways to overcome it.
Definition of emotional dependence
Emotional dependence is a psychological phenomenon that leads to a decrease in self-esteem and self-confidence. This type of dependence causes an individual to constantly seek validation from others and a sense of security through their relationships with others. We all, whether overtly or covertly, use emotional dependence to fill the emotional voids that we cannot resolve on our own.
This issue is typically observed in family and emotional relationships, but it also exists in close friendships. You may wonder what the symptoms of this type of dependence are. Let’s examine them further.
– Intense fear of loneliness and rejection: The dependent person is obsessively afraid of being left alone or abandoned by the person they are dependent on, and will do anything to maintain the relationship.
– Strong need for approval and attention: The dependent person’s self-confidence and sense of worth are heavily reliant on the opinions and behaviors of the person they are dependent on. They constantly seek praise, affection, and validation from them.
– Controlling and jealous behavior: The dependent person tries to control the relationship and limit the other person’s interactions with others in order to keep them close. They also experience intense jealousy towards anyone else in the dependent person’s life.
– Excessive self-sacrifice: The dependent person is willing to neglect their own needs and make unreasonable sacrifices just to please the person they are dependent on and keep them happy.
– Feeling empty without the other person: The dependent person feels a profound sense of meaninglessness, worthlessness, and depression when separated from the person they are dependent on.
Reasons for Emotional Dependence
Emotional dependence is related to various reasons, which we will examine in the following:
Emotional deprivation in childhood: Those who did not receive sufficient love, attention, and support during their childhood are more prone to emotional dependence in their adult relationships.
Low self-esteem and self-confidence: Individuals with low self-esteem and self-confidence seek validation from others to feel valuable about themselves. This leads to the development of emotional dependence.
Fear of loss: The fear of losing love, affection, and support is one of the most significant factors in emotional dependence. This fear can stem from past bitter experiences such as separation, divorce, or the death of loved ones.
Unhealthy behavioral patterns: Observing emotional dependence in the relationships of parents or close individuals can create a similar behavioral pattern in the person, leading them to repeat this pattern in their future relationships.
While the roots of emotional dependence can be found in childhood experiences and various psychological factors, the deeper and more hidden reasons for this issue lie within the depths of the human psyche.
Lack of Identity
Identity is a set of beliefs, values, and characteristics that distinguish an individual from others. Individuals with a weak identity feel that they are not valuable on their own and are dependent on others for validation of their existence. This creates the conditions for the development of emotional dependence.
Lack of Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is the value that an individual places on themselves. Individuals with low self-esteem do not believe in themselves and are dependent on others for validation and evaluation. They constantly seek attention and validation from the person they are dependent on, and without their presence and validation, they feel empty and worthless.
Misconceptions about Love
Some individuals have false beliefs about love and relationships. They may believe that true love means complete dependence on the partner and that they cannot have a happy life without them. These false beliefs create the conditions for the development of emotional dependence.
Lack of Self-Responsibility
Self-responsibility means caring for one’s own needs, desires, and emotions. Individuals with low self-responsibility are unable to care for themselves and become dependent on others to fulfill these needs. This can lead to emotional dependency in relationships.
How does emotional dependence differ from emotional support?
While both “emotional dependence” and “emotional support” refer to a certain level of intimacy and closeness in relationships, there are subtle yet important differences that make their distinction necessary.
Emotional dependence is an unhealthy state where an individual’s sense of worth, self-esteem, and happiness is contingent on the presence and validation of another person. This excessive dependency is accompanied by intense fear of loneliness, obsessive need for approval, control, unnecessary self-sacrifice, and a sense of emptiness without the person of dependency. Emotional support, on the other hand, is a vital and positive element in healthy relationships. This type of support involves understanding, empathy, encouragement, and assistance in dealing with life’s challenges and difficulties. In emotional support, respect for the independence and individuality of the other person is maintained, and the goal is the growth and betterment of both individuals in the relationship.
How can we free ourselves from emotional dependence?
Freeing oneself from emotional dependence is a gradual process that requires effort and perseverance. Along this path, the individual must face various challenges and make fundamental changes in their beliefs, behaviors, and emotions.
Identifying the Roots of Dependency
The first step towards liberation from emotional dependence is to identify the roots of this problem. The individual must be honest with themselves and search for the deep-seated causes of their dependency within the depths of their psyche and past experiences. Finding answers to questions such as “Why do I become excessively dependent on others?” and “What needs exist in my relationships that lead to this dependency?” can help to gain a deeper understanding of emotional dependence and find appropriate solutions to address this issue.
Improving Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is one of the most significant factors in emotional dependence. An individual with low self-esteem does not believe in themselves and becomes dependent on others for validation and self-worth. Therefore, the first step to overcoming emotional dependence is to strengthen self-esteem. The individual must focus on their strengths and capabilities, enhance their self-belief, and learn to be valuable and lovable without the approval and attention of others.
Fostering Independence
Independence is one of the most important characteristics of healthy and strong individuals. A person with independence believes in themselves and their abilities, and can handle their affairs without relying on others. Emotional dependence destroys an individual’s independence and transforms them into a dependent and needy person. To strengthen independence, the individual must learn to handle their affairs on their own, make their own decisions, and take responsibility for their life.
Effective Communication
Effective communication is a fundamental basis for healthy relationships. Dependent individuals, due to their fear of rejection and lack of acceptance, do not communicate clearly and honestly with others, and do not express their needs and feelings transparently. Learning effective communication skills helps the individual clearly and transparently express their needs and feelings to others, and prevent misunderstandings.
Letting Go of Misconceptions
Some individuals have false beliefs about love and relationships. They may believe that true love means complete dependence on the other person, and that they cannot have a happy life without them. These false beliefs create the conditions for emotional dependence. To overcome emotional dependence, the individual must identify their false beliefs about love and relationships and replace them with accurate and rational beliefs.
Talk to a therapist
Collaborating with a trusted psychologist or psychiatrist in diagnosing and eliminating destructive patterns can have a significant impact. Emotional dependence usually has its roots in childhood. The lack of a secure attachment to a parent or caregiver can lead to problems with dependence in adult relationships. Certain attachment styles contribute to emotional dependence. A psychologist or psychiatrist can help you identify past issues that have led to your current relationship concerns and guide you towards healthier ways of meeting your emotional needs.
Closing thoughts
Emotional dependence is an issue that gradually develops for many people and therefore requires patience to overcome. It is best to first become well-acquainted with the problem and then utilize various methods to address it.
